Narcissism
by Winter's Melancholy
Summary: Synopsis: When Narumi loses control of his hormones, and the mirror becomes his best friend. Rated T for language. Crack.


AoGA House Cup- Words: 1,330.

Day 1-

Bought this journal recently. Never had anything to write in it, not until today anyway.

Somehow, I'm beginning to wonder how this face in the mirror has suddenly gained such appeal. As I look at myself in that simple white shirt and trousers, I'm beginning to understand what women see in me.

I wonder why I've only just noticed it today.

Day 5-

Day in, and day out, I'm beginning to realize that I've started to spend more and more time in front of this mirror.

I wonder what's wrong with me. I'm starting to think that I look more attractive than some women. I have no idea why.

P.S. Is it me, or is my face more glowing today?

Day 16-

Took some time off work today. I can't believe there's no damn place in this Academy that has a reflective surface large enough to show my whole body, other than my room. A damn _castle_ with no full-length mirrors. Sucks to be me, huh?

I wonder why I even chose to work here to begin with, sometimes.

I could have made an amazing host, for fuck's sake.

Damn it, Narumi. Bad career choice.

Caught Misaki stealing a glance at me in the office this morning. I gave him a knowing smirk. Guess men think I'm smoking hot too.

I think I should wear frills to work tomorrow. That style would certainly complement my beautiful face. And eyes. And ears. And body. And arms.

I should probably invest in facial masks. Is that a blackhead I see?

Eep.

Day 22-

Took the day off and went shopping in Central Town.

Spent my entire evening trying out new clothes. I'm looking more and more gorgeous by the day, I swear.

That pink chiffon shirt I tried on in that last store looked fabulous on me.

I wonder why modeling agencies haven't picked me up yet. Must be the stupid Academy, and their policy about outsiders.

Either that, or their policy regarding teachers.

'_Apply six weeks in advance in order to get two days off every other month-"_

Just let me leave the fucking _school_ so I can go for my modeling auditions, _dammit_.

Ah.

Screw that, my body and face are too damn amazing for the eyes of anyone other than me, anyway. Who cares if people don't recognize me? Not like I've given them a chance, anyway.

I think I'm going to have a date with myself tomorrow in front of this mirror.

Day 23-

Skipped work again- Misaki came by to give me a warning.

Screw that, that guy has a stick way too far up his ass anyway.

I wonder why someone as handsome as me would have even chosen to be a friend to such an ugly wallflower.

Probably the small staff count here, and the fact that the only other alternative for a friend would have been Jinno.

Fuck that.

No way would I ever choose to be friends with _that_ jerk. If Misaki has a stick up his arse, this guy has a bloody _forest_ up there.

Caustic asshole, yep.

Cooked up a feast today, and lit a candle. Placed the table in front of the mirror and ate in front of my reflection.

Best date in my life. Can't imagine why I might have fallen in love with anyone other than myself.

I must've been blind, looking at Yuka like some lovesick dog back then.

I'm so much better than her. Puh-lease.

Oh yes, just _look_ at that sexy beast in the mirror.

I'm in love, all right.

Don't think I want to leave this room anymore. Not like the kids are more important than my face or anything.

Stupid, whiny kids.

Pssh.

What a joke.

Day 30-

It's been about a week since I last left my room.

Misaki's been trying to break the door down, I think.

Glad I bought Hotaru's blast-proof door spray. Keeps those idiots out while I'm massaging the skin on my supple face.

Should have bought her earplugs too. The sound is hideous. I think it's going to ruin my perfect complexion. Ugh.

Made lasagna for myself today, and proposed a toast to the reflection in the mirror.

As expected, he rose and accepted as soon as I raised the idea with him. What a handsome gentleman.

Goddamn, I'm gorgeous. Have I mentioned that already?

Well, I am.

Heh. I'm glad I made the decision to move my bed closer to the mirror.

That way, I don't even need to walk to the mirror to ogle myself. I can do that from the moment I wake up.

I'm a genius.

Never going to get tired of this beautiful hunk in the mirror. Nu-uh.

Day 31-

Misaki dropped a message under my doorframe.

Guess he's given up on trying to get me out of here.

Smart guy. Took him three days to realize I'm not coming out of here.

Hey look, the Academy fired me!

Guess I'm free to leave this hellhole and go become a famous actor.

Nah.

Think I'll just stay in here. I'm _waaaaaaay _too fucking gorgeous for any other mortal. Oh, yes I am.

Yes Narumi, you are one sexy _motherfucker._

Running out of supplies. Think I used up the last packet of Anna's _'never perish'_ spaghetti in my cupboard for today's dinner.

Well, I finished my last bottle of wine on the same day, so who gives a fuck.

It was a memorable last date with the beefcakes in the mirror.

I kissed him, after all.

Well now.

All I have left are microwaveable TV dinners.

Don't want to leave this room to go shopping, though. Don't think I could bear to leave this room.

God, please don't let the bad food spoil my complexion. I think I would die if a pimple formed now. I really would.

Day 42-

Oh my _fucking _God.

They tried to break the door down _again._

My complexion. My beautiful complexion. The stupid pounding. I swear, the moment I feel like leaving this room, I'm going to kill them.

I swear, the bloody noise is going to give me wrinkles.

_Ohmyfuckinggodnotwrinklesnogodno- _get a grip on yourself, Narumi.

You're still sexy. And hot. And beautiful. Relax.

Breathe. Breathe.

I go back and stare at the mirror, and the hot-as-fuck face that looked back calms me down tons, as always.

I'm good.

Time to stuff cotton buds in my ear.

Eww, my ear might get wrinkles from the low quality cotton. But hey, I think it's better than letting the noise get to me and put wrinkles on my face.

_Ohgodnotwrinklesno-_ I'm just going to stop here and keep staring at my face. I'm pretty. I'm sexy. I'm beautiful.

Oh yes I am.

Day 52-

Looks like the dicks from the Academy have finally given up on getting me out of here.

I'm in love with myself. No way in hell they're going to succeed at prying me away from my reflection that easily. No-no. Nu-uh.

Too sexy for that.

On a side note, ran out of TV dinners today.

Guess I'm going to starve.

Who cares? I could probably survive on my reflection, and my reflection alone, anyway.

I don't even think I want to move away from this position in front of the mirror anymore.

Day 64-

I have been continuously staring at my face in the mirror for about two weeks. Still pretty. Still gorgeous.

I'm thirsty.

_(An inkblot here obscures the rest of the journal entry.)_

_Narumi's Journal, 2012._

_Taken from the hands of his dried remains after Hotaru managed to invent a bulldozer to smash his door down after he had been holed up in his room for about half a year. His dead form was found seated calmly in front in the mirror in what looked to be a position of adoration._

_-Misaki._


End file.
